Entitlement and Proving Yourself

Hey all, It's been a busy week, and I've been applying to many grants, research programs, and internships for the summer. As a result, I've been feeling a bit of imposter syndrome - similar to how I felt during college applications - where I feel I'm struggling to prove that I'm the right choice for the application committee to choose.

I know I'm intelligent, killed, and driven, but how do I say or show that humbly? What is there on my resume to latch onto?

However, I've also been reading Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell, and I have some ideas I'd like to share.

1. Sometimes You Don't Need to "Prove Yourself" and 2. Communicate Early and Often.

I recently accepted an informal research position this term, and I've realized that I might be the least productive researcher in history. You know, it took me a while to start reading papers, and I didn't have time to put that much work into my research, and I hadn't brushed up on the computer science skills I needed in a while.

But, what I've realized through talking with my PI and other grad students is that, at least for undergraduates (and to some extent graduates as well), we're all just kind of shit at our jobs.

When you're hired by a company, put on a research team, or accepted to college, you are already vetted. They believe you're smart, have the soft skills to work well with their team, and can do what they expect of you (assuming you haven't lied).

So, there's no reason to withhold information about how things are going or if you're struggling at a company, with research, or in college. People expect you to struggle if you're new. That's the norm.

All they're asking is that you do your best. So, it's better to have your boss or supervisor know how much of an idiot you are (knowing that you're smart inside) than make assumptions about your capabilities and be severely disappointed later on.

2. No one really "deserves" anything.

Most people think that entitlement is bad. Of course, the customer isn't always right. Of course, just because you have good test scores doesn't mean you deserve to get into Harvard.

• That's a valuable lesson we teach our kids about being humble, friendly, and ambitious enough to continue pushing forward if you're denied opportunities you could have received.

However, I don't think we think enough about how much acting entitled in specific ways can help us. After all, if no one is truly ever entitled to anything, what's the hurt in asking?

• Someone might be more qualified than you, but does that mean they're more deserving?
  • How does an application committee, professor, or company know they're more qualified?
  • They can't accurately measure everything.

So, what I'm saying is: start playing the game. It's alright to pander to what people are looking for (as long as you stay relatively genuine), ask for opportunities you may not be qualified for, or even request favors from longtime friends.

• Don't act like people owe something to you.
• Do act like you have a shot and have something valuable to offer. Who knows. What you offer may not be experienced but a specific shared interest, random important skill, or something else.
• You have the right to ask.
  • But also obviously weigh the risk/reward of applying to something in terms of time spent vs likelihood of acceptance.

So, I guess the moral of the story is to be open. Tell people if you're struggling, make genuine connections, ask for things you want, and put your best foot forward.

If you're doing your best, opportunities will come your way. Build that skill of asking for and getting what you want.

Anyway, that's all I have to say for today. I hope you learned something, enjoyed reading, or had a good time procrastinating work by reading the blog.

Thanks for reading, and have a great week!

-Ethan